please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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