Ambien. No doubt about it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
