She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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