I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
