You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
