if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
