cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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