Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
