Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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