The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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