I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
