its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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