why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize