i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
