her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
