Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
