Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
