Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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