i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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