how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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