So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
