his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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