like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I pour the whiskey from now on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
