I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That accounts for only three of the penises
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
