i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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