Four minutes until I can fart!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize