Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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