still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
