My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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