If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize