Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
