okay pat passed out under dana's car
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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