i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am midnight drunk by noon
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
