Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
