Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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