it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
