No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
