I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
