it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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