I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize