He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
