my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
