sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
