She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize