before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
