If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
