this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
