the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
