I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
someone owes me an orgasm
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
