i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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