I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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