I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
