I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
