I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
