well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
