he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He has the fingertips of a God
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