I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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