toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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