You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
