So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
