Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
