So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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