its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need a beard to bite.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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