Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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