she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
