So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
