Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
